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The Thing In the Myst.

               Sorry I haven't been able to be able to be able to make a post recently. I have been forming a band with my friend Blue Eyes White Dragon. He plays almost about anything. Anyways. I was getting off topic (Lol \o/) So since I'm a ghetto capitalist and I swipe my EBT axe for just about anything. I decided to buy a brand new computer in my brand new lawn. I've been watching this really good show called Mr.Poo about a time traveling super meatball hero sub who steals peoples enemas in the past and drinks them in the distant future, he also has a pet monkey named Feffy. Yes. It's a pretty shitty name for a monkey. ANYWAYS. I decided that I wanted to go more into investigating into this tall man gay. My wife has been chanting his name and he really scares me. I went to the graveyard behind me lawn to see if I can locate the tall gay. To make it more convenient for him to find me, I went at approx 4 a.m. Just before my routine brand soggy biscuit with ghetto capitalist rawberry milk. When I went to the graveyard he saw me masturbating furiously. I went over to Streetlight and asked him for a Fleshlight, and a Manifesto. He gave me one and I used it to clap on-clap off. Then the tall gay with no smegma went up to me and told me that i needed to go to sleep. 
               I woke up the next day on my lawn with nothing buy boxers and hummus and pita. I finished the pita and realised I was burnt by the sun, I went inside to get tp to find Blue Eyes White Dragon and Frodo making out without me. I was sad. Tomorrow Frodo and I are going to the poop store to buy more Mr.Poo and his time traveling adventures. I feel as if there is a lukewarm sensation going down my throat as I type this. 

THE RETURN OF THE MASTER OF BLOGS

Sorry gays, I was busy spending time in jail because the MAN was keeping me down in the prison. Mkay? So while I was in jail, Frodo was giving me feedback on what was happening at lawn. She told me that the tall man in her head was becoming friends with her. I was kind of disappointed to be honest, She seemed a little TOO happy to becoming friends with him. Then i knew what was going on, It occurred to me like a drop of semen flying at me at 1.21 jiggawatts. Frodo was cheating on me with Blue Eyes White Dragon. I was very disgruntled with this news to myself so I ran over to the KFC to confront Blue Eyes White Dragon. I used my EBT card to buy KFC tokens and I played a few games, It was really fun, especially that game where you jump the invisible 10 times in a row for the extra chicken. Or Wesley Snipes. You can never go wrong with Wesley Snipes. Anyways. Blue Eyes White Dragon was inside the KFC costume and I went up with my chicken bukkit from my back pocket and then I shown Blue Eyes White Dragon in the foot, I asked him what he was doing with my wife. He told me that he wasn't doing my wife, he was in fact, having sexual carrot intercurse with Alex, my buttler, I thanked him for his honestly. I gave him a ADHESIVE BEGGIN' STRIPS for his cat. As the kids ran away from me, Considering I had a gun, I saw the tall man, in a chair. And he sucked up the children in his mouth like a aardvark after she found Pretty Colored Marbles in Jewby Tuesdays. I ran away as fast as I could, I got home and I hid the gun and the evanescence, We couldn't find a box for the gun to be hid inside, so we hid it inside of Alex.

The Buttler

Since my girlfriend and I are ghetto capitalists, we've decided to use the extra money from Frodo's prostitution and use it toward funding an obsbutter. We contacting a Obsbutter Agency and got one of their cheapest, finest Paula Deans around, His name is Alex Fadden. Alex is a try hard, he has long hair and he likes long walks on the clut. He poops a lot when he screws up as well. Today, while he was tending to our lawn, he told me that I should "Pooping buy some more pooping flowers" so I went out to my favorite place, Poop Depoo. That's where all the cool kids hang out. I went into Poop Depoo and saw my favorite employee of them all, His name is Blue Eyes White Dragon. He showed me the most lovely bushes of roses anybody could ever have. I bought them all, I spent over 500 simoleons on roses, When I took them back after I rented a truck for 50 simoleons, Alex was on the ground, he said someone in a flannel came over and pushed him over. This befuddled me, was he trying to get himself fired because he doesn't appreciate our ghetto capitalist ways? Or did he just want to get into my wife's pants? Either way, it was very mysterious on the way that he acted. I talked to Alex the following day and offered him my wife as an alternate payment for his services, he delightfully agreed. When Frodo and Alex went upstairs, I decided to take a peak inside to see what they were doing, Alex was pooping on the mattress telling Frodo that he was afraid and had never conducted such acts before. He had muddbutt. I'll skip the gastrointestinal experiences we all experienced together. I told Alex he did a great job churning my insides up, and I zipped my pants, as soon we left the room, we looked outside of the window, and there, a tall man in a business flannel was standing outside of my lawn. I'm starting to become scared for my life.

My Wesley Snipes Journal

So tonight I've decided to look into Frodo's cream journal, (My Blade Journal) and I had a few laughs about it, because one sentence stated, "I saw a tall gay farting in our window, and I made an egg sandwich for him, Talk about getting my beauty sleep." It also kind of freaked me out, because after i read that, I swear I saw a gay peering into our window, I guess I should grab my vagina and take some enemas whenever I get the chance.

The Date

Today Frodo and I went on a precious at a precious restaurant for precious people. I simply swiped my EBT axe and we instantly got free food. God bless the Mordorian Welfare System. I'm so glad I can mooch off the government tit for my amusement and pleasure. As we were eating dinner, Frodo told me how she's been having weird dreams lately and I told her it was probably her pain medication from all the dick she has. On our way home I told her to write a cream journal because that is what normal hobbits do with their spare time. The title of her cream journal is the name that she picked, it's called "My Wesley Snipes Journal" Which is really weird because I think that was a movie or something. The journal was pink and not very Wesley Snipes at all.

When did this all start Gnome?

Well it all started when my wife, Frodo, made me my usual bread in a can, and eggs, with a side of delicious mutton. She learned how to cook at the local Hobbit's club. The Hobbit's club is essentially a giant chicken in which other lawns converse and share recipes with each other, I guess I'm getting a little off topic, back to the story. Usually when she makes mutton she puts it on the side of the plate, just how I like it, but today was different, the eggs that she made were in the middle of the plate, and the bacon, was in almost an X format over the eggs. It seemed to freak me out so I called her filthy dirt and told her not to make my eggs like that again. Geez. Lawns. What disturbed me is after I called her that, she began to speak in pointy ears language, or Elvish as some may call it or some other language I didn't really know, it was kinda weird. I'm going to go to bed. I find this whole writing thing rather dirty.